Here’s a serious guide on how to get over a breakup, but if you are not into reading all of these… I made a treat for you! Listen to the post “How to deal with a breakup and get over it!” HERE!!!
Hey, do you want the formula on how to deal with a breakup and get over it in a short amount of time? This post is your 10 step guide on how to get over a breakup and finally free yourself from it’s hold.
So, you’re newly single. You had a breakup, duh that’s why you’re here
You’ve been crying for the past couple days, shit, maybe weeks
I feel the same way. I broke up with my boyfriend after four years and I’m still in pain myself
Even though I broke up with him, he was still my comfort zone
He was my person. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out even though I was hoping that it would.
But, even though I’m still hurt, at a certain point in time, you and I will have to learn to deal with it.
If you googled, “how to deal with a breakup?” or you got here through Pinterest…You’re looking for a friend.
And surprisingly, I am that to you!
So let’s take a real good look as to what we need to do in order to GET OVER THEM!
First, I want to let you in on my self-discovery E-book!
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that you put in your email to get these amazing journal prompts that I created!
The goal is to get you to improve your self confidence and self esteem!
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Now, let’s get back to healing!
ACCEPT THAT YOU TWO HAVE BROKEN UP
Ouch, not fun to read right? BUT, hear me out…
One thing that can interrupt your healing is the fact that you are not accepting what has happened.
You’re living in denial.
I know that when we are broken up from someone, we want to try our hardest to remember the good memories but that’s misleading.
You need to also remember the bad in the relationship, that essentially drove you two apart.
Granted, in some cases someone could have just upped and left with no explanation of any bad times.
And if you are in that circumstance, the point still remains. You have to accept that they are no longer in your life anymore.
Ideally, we want to keep thinking good of them and remember the love but relationships are hard and love is not enough sometimes.
How do I accept that we are broken up?
You need to remember that more things are to come in life.
I know we get scared and think the worst but we have to look at it as a speed bump.
We slow down, cross the speed bump, and pass over it.
Look at the split of your relationship that way.
You DO NOT have to rush to get over the relationship and try to get into another one.
However, you have to go through the hurt of losing them but also remember that the relationship is over.
The way that I did this was by taking some deep breaths and saying to myself ” Kylie, this relationship has come to an end”
I kept saying this to myself until I came to the realization that I was right.
It will hurt the first couple of times but you need to accept the split.
FEEL THE EMOTIONS
If you want to cry… then cry. You are human, you experience emotions.
If you go through this emotion simply express it. It is 100% okay to cry, let this all out now.
If you’re angry, get angry and talk about WHAT makes you angry
If you’re sad, WHAT exactly makes you sad?
Is it because they cheated and you had to break up?
Or is it because you are scared of being alone?
Express it and go through the emotions.
Allow yourself this time to feel everything
I DO NOT RECOMMEND numbing your emotions, feelings or pain away
Why? Because you will never actually heal from that pain if you let it live within you
Go through all the emotions and allow yourself to cry, shout, pout, etc.
Anything you need to make you feel better.
STOP FOLLOWING THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA
Have you posted some sad quote about love and heartbreak?
Posts, stories, or tweets where you’re expressing how sad you are or your distrust in people?
Well, stop that shit.
I did the same thing to my ex because I wanted him to see how I felt but I didn’t want to text him.
Do you know what I got in return?
Tweets from him talking about how he loves Hooters wings.
I was PISSED.
Here I am, crying and making posts like a little bitch and he’s just chatting up a bunch on his twitter about wings???
So….you mean to tell me he doesn’t care about my sappy ass quotes.
No, he didn’t.
And whoever you’re making posts for doesn’t care either.
Stop looking to get their attention on social media and stop looking for them at all
The point of healing from a relationship is to get over them, not constantly look at them
I know you’re probably thinking…
Guess what you need to do?
Get off of social media for a while.
While you can block them and that will help,
Give yourself a break from the unbearable notion of perfection that is spread on those apps.
What I mean is, you are sad and hurting… However, these apps have algorithms.
What this means is that whatever you have been liking and commenting on throughout your time on the app will remain.
So, remember when you thought you were gonna marry this person and you liked all these romantic photos and happy couples?
I bet you don’t want to see that shit now, not while you’re sad. Hell no.
Take a break from it all.
If you can’t stomach the ability to block them, then completely take a break from social media all together.
This way whoever broke your heart is out of sight and out of mind.
TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY
I know this may be a hard time to talk to someone about your feelings
But that’s what your family and friends are there for.
Talk about the breakup, talk about why you guys broke up
Ask their advice and opinion on how to deal with
I can be the world’s biggest introvert and I decided to not cry alone. I reached out to some of my friends and while I did talk about the breakup…we started to talk more about ourselves!
It was so freeing to not focus on the breakup, but to instead ask each other how we have been!
That’s what you need during this time. To know that you have a support system that cares more about you in comparison to your partner is great.
REMEMBER YOUR HOBBIES
You do realize that you were a functioning human being before your relationship started right?
Well, what did you like to do?
I am a huge music lover so listened to my favorite artist to make me feel better. It distracted me from the breakup and I started to feel so much better.
Stop thinking that this breakup is the end for you, because it’s not!
Dealing with this break up is going to be a stepping stone that requires you to remember who you are.
I love to write as well and I noticed that when things weren’t as great in my relationship, I put my writing to the side.
Enough is enough when it comes to yourself.
Practice the piano, cooking or anything that you love to do.
REALIZE THAT IT IS OKAY TO BE ALONE
I know that it hurts and I know you may not have predicted that you would be experiencing a breakup.
But, it happens and now you’re all alone again.
However, you need to learn the difference between being alone and being lonely.
You may feel lonely at first but once you accept that it is okay to be alone that scary feeling will go away.
You have not lost yourself due to this breakup so don’t try to
Get comfortable with being on your own again.
To deal with a breakup, you have to be honest with yourself and learn to be alone again. But don’t let this consume your thoughts.
Remember, being alone does not equal being lonely.
When you realize this, you are unstoppable.
I understand that this break up hurts but let’s take some time to understand that this is just one moment in your life. The pain will pass.
DON’T DWELL ON THE PAST
Surprisingly, you probably have thought or done this already.
Rewinding the hands of time on your relationship and thinking about all the good times and thinking to yourself, “what did I do wrong?”
Please, stop doing that.
The problem with this is simply the fact that there had to be some problems in the relationship that caused you guys to breakup.
This is not all on you. If you keep thinking this way, you will begin to place every. single. problem onto yourself.
What has happen, has happened. But do not stress yourself out or convince yourself that you were the problem in the entire relationship because that will ruin your healing progress.
DON’T RUSH TO DATE
Honestly, you may be feeling a bit better and have gotten comfortable with the idea of starting new but do not rush into a relationship.
Studies have shown that it taxes approximately 3 months to start feeling comfortable with the idea of dating again.
And you might be feeling that a bit earlier but remember, you are going to run into people who do not have the same intentions.
Some people just want sex from you, sorry boo but it’s the truth, some want to manipulate you or just don’t have the best intentions.
My goal here is to not scare you from dating ago, not at all.
My goal here to to inform you that you may still have harbored feelings about the breakup that may cloud your judgement.
Do you know what this might make you do? Date out of spite instead of for yourself!
What are some things you might do if you’re dating out of spite?
You might find yourself doing a couple of these things:
- Going on a date and posting your date on social media: While this may not seem like a big deal to you let me explain why this may be a problem.
- It’s not that you’re posting them, it’s the simple fact that you may be posting them for the sake of HOPEING that your ex will look at your post and see that you’re on a date.
- Do you see how this date isn’t for you to have fun and live your life anymore? Now it’s about trying to make your ex feel upset, jealous, or regretful for losing you. But now you have lost yourself in these harbored emotions.
- Using this new person as a point instead of a person: You want to make a point to your ex that you are desirable or that you are “over them”
- here’s the hard truth, if they wanted to be there then they would. you going out of your way to make this new person feel as though they are a token or some trophy instead of someone you care for.
- They might not feel that you actually want to be with them and you are using them as a statement piece instead of a human being. Ouch. Would you want to be treated that way because someone is not over their ex and is using you? Let me give you some time… If you said “No” I just want to say….I thought so, don’t do it to someone else.
- Constantly bringing up your ex: The new person that your dating doesn’t want to hear about that… they want to hear about you.
- Saying things like, ” My ex loved tacos”, “my ex used to hate my hair”, ” this was my ex’s favorite restaurant.” etc. Any of these comments to constantly bring up your ex will show the person that you are trying to date that you have not moved on yet.
BUT, DON’T FEEL BAD FOR GOING ON DATES
I know you’re probably thinking, ” this heffa just told me not to date.” No No No. I told you not to date out of SPITE.
If you are going on the date and your first thought is, “oh this is going to make my ex so mad.” Then, you are, in fact, dating out of spite.
But, if you see someone who you genuinely enjoy and the thought of your ex doesn’t even come up then guess what? You’re ready to date.
Don’t feel bad for being able to successfully go on a date.
Refrain from thinking, ” I don’t want to hurt them because I’m on a date”, or ” Am I moving too fast?”
The reason why you need to refrain from this is because everyone has a different version and timeline of healing.
Don’t punish yourself for being a healthy single. Have fun! But always do it for YOU and not THEM.
DON’T WISH ANY ILL ON YOUR EX
I know, you hate them probably. But as you begin to heal and those negative feelings go away, you need to let that toxicity go.
I am a firm believer that whatever you put out into the world will come back to you.
I know that your ex may not be your favorite person and they may have treated you bad or disrespected you.
However, you need to wish them well. Not for them. But for you.
You would like love and happiness right? Then don’t wish misery on someone else because it might come back to you in full force.
When you are able to not harbor any ill feelings towards your ex and are able to live, learn, and grow… You have successfully gotten over a breakup and have had a healthy breakup process. You are now over it. Congratulations!
There you go! A successful 10 step guide as to how you can get over a breakup. I hope you all read this and feel like you have a friend in me as I have one in you!
Don’t forget your free ebook!
This will help build your self confidence and your happiness on your journey to self-discovery.
Lastly, Check out some of my other blog posts! You will definitely love them!